it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
