So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
