The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
