Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
