If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
This is the high leading the old right now
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
