dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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