I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
