I murdered the dance floor call the cops
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
