I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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