We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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