i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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