And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
