i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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