Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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