How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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