as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
