I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize