When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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