I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
