I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
