Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
