Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
