I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
