Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
