two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
