In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
