so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize