i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
