Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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