And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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