LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
