I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
