Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We're too hungover to prance.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
