i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
