I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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