i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
