You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
