I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
