I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
