and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
false alarm, still single
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
