I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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