I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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