Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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