we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
