did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
