My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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