My liver just broke up with me...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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