I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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