drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
