i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
