I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
