Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
