omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
