that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
