Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize