i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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