He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
