Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
