Me. At least after what I've been through.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
