k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wish you could order shots online.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
