Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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