so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
