when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
