my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
