I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
