'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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