Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
