So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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