I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
