Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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