I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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