Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
