I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
