i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
