dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
