I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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