so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
