Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
