I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
