Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
