my vag is so smooth its legendary
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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