May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
