i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
